The Narcissist Diary

It’s a national holiday. We’ve been in this country for nearly four years and the community has been so good to us.

The holiday includes paying respect to those that serve or have served in the armed forces. I always feel strongly that the family should take part. Despite my aversion to fighting, there are people who risk their lives to keep us safe and protect the freedoms that we enjoy daily. However Charlie refuses to let the children attend any events. We’re not of the same nationality apparently so it doesn’t count.

I am so frustrated, I just want to show respect and teach my children that not every nation in the world is so fortunate to be as free as ours. Instead it turns into a petty squabble and it’s the children who miss out again.

Somehow we managed to get onto Charlie’s favourite topic today. Families. This is a complete red card topic, there has never been a single conversation that I can recall where talking about our families hasn’t resulted in torrents of passive aggressive remarks or worse from Charlie. I try to avoid the subject of families like the plague.

Today is no different. Charlie tells me straight out that her family is more important than mine. The reasoning is that her family were closer to us before we moved away. I don’t mention the reason we ended up near her family was because she practically walked out on me 10 years earlier and moved to be near them. I followed at the time to try and make things work.

Charlie has no appreciation of how I feel about my family, no sense that I might actually want to be able to have a normal relationship with them some time, maybe be able to talk to them without Charlie trying to listen in. Maybe if Charlie disruptive and having meltdowns any moment my family was in the moment. Maybe lots of things, but I know it is not likely to happen.

It turned out that Charlie found out the children have been talking to my family on a regular basis. Each week Charlie goes out for a club and the children get an un-interrupted chat with their cousins or grandparents. Charlie announced the same day that she is quitting her club. – And she did, she never want back to the club again after this week.

I need space.

I’m just trying to watch TV in the evening, Charlie comes into the room and stands around asking unimportant questions about where things are.

I just want to have 30 mins time out now the children are in bed. I ask Charlie to give me time to watch TV and maybe go somewhere else for a bit, I explain that I will be happy talk a bit later.

Charlie is having none of it, she explodes and rants on and on about how she doesn’t want to be here, how it’s all my fault. Honestly I have heard this speech so many times I am numb to it. Charlie starts packing bags again even though they’re all still packed from last week when she said she was leaving as well.

Well, today is just random. Ollie & Sam are having a stress about school. It’s near the end of term and they’re not organised in the morning. No lunches done, no hair done. I’m supposed to be working in the office but I can hear the drama building.

Charlie is totally unsupportive. Instead of encouraging them to go to school, Charlie starts agreeing and stating that they are too young to go to school – at 8 and 6 years old. Apparently it’s bad for them to be doing school work so young and puts pressure on them. Last time I dropped by the classrooms, they were full of pictures and creative works. School looks a lot of fun.

I’m silently frustrated in the office. There is no point arguing, Charlie will only intensify her stance in order to make a point. The children instead get told by their mother how bad school is, only to then go to school and face it for the day.

It’s the end of the holidays. Charlie tries to keep children home from school, she says it’s still Easter holidays because in our birth country it is. It’s ridiculous, try explaining to school that all children will attend on dates based on their country of birth!

After racking my brains how to go to work and ensure the children go to school, I politely offer to work from home and take the children to school. That nails it and Charlie insists on taking them after all.

The battle is not over though. Charlie is uptight about something and hassles me around the house all day. Yet another session of her hiding in the bedroom being noisy as though Charlie want’s somebody to ask what is wrong. We all ignore it until Charlie comes out saying she wants a divorce and fills the car with bags and boxes of stuff.

I can’t handle the continuous provokation for a response and head out by myself on a needless shopping trip to get away.

None of us know what to say, it’s obvious the packing is an attention grabbing move, Charlie has no-where to go and the car stays packed full of bags and boxes for days.