I still have no clear idea what is making Charlie anxious this week, is it her new job, is it the children back at school, is it me? She’s been making negative remarks about all those things for days.
This morning I go out early for run. When I come back, the door has been locked from the inside. I know it’s Charlie as I heard her locking it as soon as I went out. Fortunately I have a key and can get back in. For all Charlie says about wanting counselling and us being together, she has a pretty crap way of showing it. I also notice the children’s school hats have been thrown outside. I have no idea why – but they weren’t there yesterday when I was trimming the garden, so once I again I know it’s Charlie. Our (my) surname has been crossed out in the hats and replaced with her maiden name. It’s a ridiculous exercise that confuses the children and means if the hats do get lost. We’ll never see them again.
Charlie continues on full anxiety mode all morning, I have had to move twice just writing this diary because she’s following me and offloading loads of negativity onto me. She is trying to provoke me with multiple irrational claims and I just don’t want to react. Plus what a way for the children to start the weekend. I’d like to sort Sam’s party and help the children chill out from the first week back at school, but if Charlie just disrupts everything, that’s going to be impossible.
Later I notice Charlie has emptied the bins. She never does this, so I have a look in the bin outside. Sure enough, Charlie has torn up a load of wedding cards we had from guests. This is the same person that constantly reminds me I made promises on our wedding day and accuses me of wanting to break them.
My entire day was been spent tip-toeing around Charlie who continued to drop provocative remarks and make negative comments whilst the children were around. I’m very worried how her behaviour affects the children and basically my whole day has been about trying bring Charlie back from her anxious state.
In the afternoon, I was getting changed. As per the new rule Charlie wanted a couple of months ago, I shut the door and made Charlie wait until I had finished changing. Charlie came up with this rule and said I couldn’t come in the bedroom when she was changing. I have been ignoring the fact that some of her changing sessions take half an hour. One time, she spent a whole day ranting at me for walking in on her and how it wasn’t right. Today though, she stated that I made up the rule and it was a ridiculous rule for a married couple to have. She has no recollection that she introduced it or even gave me such a hard time about it two months ago. It’s probably the clearest example in a while of how Charlie can completely appear to forget something she has said or done, and then come up with an alternate version of events. But these little moments happen all the time with Charlie and it’s impossible to suggest otherwise to her.